Two Basic Rules for Rewarding Your Child

Once the new behavior is happening regularly (over a number of days), a parent can begin to gradually 'thin out' the system of rewards. Certainly you don't expect to follow a child around for weeks or months rewarding good behavior every time it happens, nor is that needed. For example, if a small boy is being taught to say 'Thank you', at first his mother might prompt him (Say "Thank you", Johnnie), and praise him lavishly when he says it. Once he is responding correctly, she can prompt him with 'What do you say, Johnnie?' using praise when he says 'Thank you'. Eventually she can just comment on it every now and then: 'Johnnie, I really like it when you say "Thank you".' Indeed, by this time other people may he smiling and complimenting him, and the behavior will be maintained by natural rewards for politeness beyond those from parents.

When we talk about a change from rewarding every time to an occasional schedule, this does not mean a sudden shift from liberal rewarding to almost none. What it means is a very gradual lessening to a level of social rewarding which is still enough to be effective. Just 'how much' is a matter of judgment. Keep in mind that too little rewarding means ignoring, and that leads to a possible decline in behavior. On the other hand, you needn't worry about 'too much rewarding: can you imagine receiving •too many hugs and smiles (if they are sincere)?

lly, it is obvious in this discussion that we are not talking only about changing a child's behavior; parents must change their behavior too, in order to modify the reward system and set up the conditions necessary for the child to change.

er used tokens, material and social rewards to get Lyn ready on time in the morning. Since the girl had managed it well for a week, Mother decided to cut down on the rewards. Her mistake was to cut down much too fast. As a consequence, Lyn has reverted back to being late.

The second mother will gradually cut back on the material rewards, but is maintaining the social and token rewards for Brenda's improvement. The change to a once-a-week reward may involve some negotiation, but most children will remain motivated by pleasing parents if those parents are good social rewarders. Eventually her mother may also phase out the stars and chart, but should never completely stop giving social rewards for getting ready on time.

Many of the things that we do as adults involve mostly self-rewards. We tell ourselves, `I. did a good job on that'. We look with satisfaction at our accomplishments, small or large, and congratulate ourselves, or treat ourselves to something special. This self-rewarding is not 'automatic', but learned. Some learn it well while others do not seem to learn it at all. Self-rewarding is simply having a good opinion of One's own efforts; parents can teach this to children by noticing their accomplishments and getting the child to point out a job well done and express pride in it. `Johnnie, you did a great job. You can be proud of yourself. Don't you think so? Tell me about the good job you did.' Ultimately the self-rewarder still needs social rewards from others. but does not always need to depend upon the opinions of others, and values his or her own opinion most of all!

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