Parenting: Learning Experience

If a very young boy is smacked or otherwise hurt several times while in the presence of a nice, furry white rabbit, we will find that he begins to show signs of alarm at the mere sight of the rabbit. On the other hand, if he receives hugs and smiles when he is with the rabbit, he will begin to feel good when he sees the animal.

Such feelings can last months, years, or even a lifetime, unless he has an experience which modifies this learning. This process of learning by association is known more formally as 'classical conditioning'. It tells us simply that objects or events which are grouped together in time, place, or situation often tend to be associated, and therefore call up the same feelings. We develop fear of, or fondness for anything as a result of what it has been 'associated' with in our early learning experiences. Seeing blood, for example, may lead to crying, if the sight of blood is repeatedly associated with pain. Given enough such associations of blood with pain, the sight of blood alone can generate fear and crying, even when physical pain is absent. Similarly, if good feelings, smiles, and loving are regularly associated with a particular person, just the thought of that person will likely result in a 'warm glow'.

Even the most well-intentioned efforts of adults don't automatically result in good feelings for children.
I t is easy to attach emotions to names. If you were trying to pick a name right now for a newborn son, which among the following would you be least likely to pick? And why?

Since all names are originally neutral, upon what basis do we make a choice? It is because names take on meaning and produce feelings through association, some positive and some not so positive (perhaps some even sound ridiculous). There is nothing strange about how we come to feel good or bad about people, places, or events.

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