How to Make Your Message Clear to Your Child

We can only learn to deal with the world around us if we can predict with some degree of accuracy what to expect. Its easy .for a parent to be inconsistent. For example, screaming and shouting may be tolerated one day but severely punished the next. Also one parent may approve of certain behavior while the other frowns upon it. Parents are sometimes inconsistent with different children - one child is allowed to get away with something while another isn't
Many mealtime problems can he avoided if parents observe two rules:

I. Do not allow children access to snacks near mealtime, and

2. Avoid serving excessive portions of food (especially disliked foods). It is unrealistic to expect a child to `clean the plate' if it is covered with heaps of food
A common situation involves having different standards of conduct for different children in the family. One child should not be allowed to break 'house rules' while another cannot. No child should get special unearned privileges because of age or sex. (It is, of course, appropriate to allow more mature children certain freedoms which are not yet available to their younger brothers and sisters.) Older children frequently feel angry when younger ones 'get away with murder' because 'they are too young to know better'. Even small children understand basic rules of conduct. A favorite game for older children is to put younger children ‘up to something' that will get them into trouble. Consistency in punishment is no virtue if the wrong child is branded the culprit! You cannot, of course, treat each child in the same angered parent to give a child a previously-earned reward. It is very tempting, when angry, to withdraw all good things from a child including previously-earned rewards. Yet it is essential in this situation that Mum and Dad 'grin and bear it' Parents must stick by their agreements if their word is to mean anything.

There are, of course, extreme situations where an agreement may appropriately be changed. For instance, assume the boy had fulfilled the agreement, but later deliberately injured his sister. Should he still be allowed to go out that evening? Most parents would say `No!' Perhaps a compromise is in order when serious misbehavior occurs. Mother might react to the new situation by modifying the agreement: You completed the lawn, and I owe you a trip to the cinema for that. But, you also hurt your sister, so you're not going out tonight.
The most common form of combining reward with punishment is in the statement, 'I like that, but...' For example, `That was a good job, but I think you can do better.' `I like your new hair style, but I think I liked it better when it was longer.' 'Your room looks a lot better, but your wardrobe is still a mess.'

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