How to Approach Your Child in the Right Way

Parents often nag, criticize, scold, or warn children to behave. Children wish to avoid these discomforts and will behave - usually just often enough to escape the unpleasantness and thereby reward the parent for nagging, criticizing, scolding, or warning! Thus, parents and children accidentally teach each other to behave in ways which they all find unacceptable!

It is not recommended that parents use warnings or threats to get children to obey. Nevertheless, in the real world there are times when parents have to have obedience from their children and may need to give an ultimatum. If you use an ultimatum, back it up. Make it clear what. is expected, how soon, and what will happen if the child does not comply. Make the consequence immediate. Never give an ultimatum you cannot or will not carry out!

Consider this situation: we were at a beach one beautiful day and observed an interesting situation between a mother and her five-year old son. The boy was in the water playing and his mother said, 'Come on, now, it's time to go,' The child looked up, then went back to playing. The mother, obviously annoyed, shouted louder, 'Johnnie, come here right now!' He ignored her. She shouted again, even louder

`If you don't come here this instant, were going to leave without you!' She stood there watching him continue to play.

'We're leaving,' she called, then began walking towards the car while looking back at him. He looked at her, smiled, and continued his play. Finally, very angry, she splashed out into the water, grabbed his hand, and dragged him towards the car. What did she do wrong? Consider her ultimatum.

Everyone, including the child, knew she was not really going to leave him behind and she was therefore making an empty threat. Many people successfully get others to do things by annoying them. Children do it with tantrums, tears, whimpers, destructive acts, pouts ('I hate you'), and a thousand other antics. Adults do it to each other by nagging, ignoring, withholding love or sex, insulting, threatening violence, and in other ways.

Remember: try to keep threats to a minimum. If you feel you must give an ultimatum, make the consequences clear and hack it up. Finally, be sure the communication is clear.

Parenting Articles Why Do Children Act the Way They Do | Each Child is Unique | How to Encourage Your Children to Talk to You | Parenting: Learning Experience | Rewarding Your Children with Material Rewards | Parents Do Have Influence | Children Imitate Their Parent's Role Model | Will Too Much Love Spoil Your Child | How to Reward Your Child | Parenting and Social Reward | Children Shoes Online | Cheap Toys for Kids | Baby Care Guide Online Parenting Tips How to Eliminate Undesirable Behavior | How to Approach Your Child in the Right Way | Parenting and Punishment | How to Praise Your Kids When They are Doing Right | Keeping Track of Your Child’s Behavior | How to Teach Your Child to Correct His Behavior Step by Step | How to Reward Your Child in the Correct Timing | Two Basic Rules for Rewarding Your Child | How to Make Your Message Clear to Your Child | How to Combine Punishment with Rewards